Court quotes IV

With the coming of spring comes stupid sentences and random justice — an eye for an eye, a sparkly hat for a sparkly hat.

“Defense counsel just asked me, ‘Do we have a trial tomorrow?’ ” - Lawyer to another.

“He might as well be a potted plant.” - Lawyer about another.

“Why were you choking this guy?” - Judge.

“Let’s see your hands. You must be pretty good if you’ve still got them.” - Judge to defendant.

“Imagine somebody waltzing into your house and putting a shotgun in your face.” - Judge to defendant.

“I’m like Habitat for Humanity. I’m giving him a place to live.” - Lawyer about homeless suspect she is prosecuting.

“Your honor, I was not in my right mind — I was high.” - Defendant to judge.

“There’s some baby getting killed out there.” - Lawyer.

“I can’t figure out whether you think this is humorous or not. It wouldn’t be very funny if I locked you up for a year.” - Judge to defendant.

“How do you report that to the IRS? Isn’t there a part that says gifts?” - Judge to defendant who received free meth.

“I’m always suspicious of mechanics.” - Judge to defendant.

“I’m about to beat my secretary.” - Female lawyer about new assistant.

“This crime lacked any manner of sophistication.” - Lawyer about his client.

“You were talking to the podium instead of the court.” - Judge to lawyer.

“He didn’t have any veins left.” - Judge.

“That takes away things in your head.” - Defendant.

“Sometimes I wish I could make up the law.” - Judge.

“Take that pop out to the garbage can. This is not a restaurant.” - Judge to defendant with drink in hand.

“In the court in Aberdeen, they serve pop in there?” - Judge to same man, who just looks confused now.

“Shootin’, smokin’, snortin’.” - Judge.

“You guys shouldn’t be wearing splashy outfits like that.” - Judge.

“Oh, sparkly, sparkly hat.” - Lawyer in awe.

“I’ve been watching you disrespect people all day … bastard.” - Defendant to judge.

“Whoooo! Whooooooooooo! I’m going to enjoy this.” - Same defendant as he is forcibly removed from the courtroom.