Courthouse quotes VII

New quotations from the halls of justice are a bit behind this week, but a little longer. Less from the judge, but some good stuff from slightly bored attorneys.

It’s not all fun and games, but between the tragedies there is comedy. Hopefully worth the wait:

“You look awful.” - Female lawyer greeting another.

“Is there an official law against wearing a hat in court, because the baliff was giving me serious attitude about it.” - Lawyer recounting a person’s question to clerk.

“She missed her trial last week … We wasted a whole trial.” - Lawyer.

“It’s kind of a silly reason to go to prison.” - Prosecutor.

“Hey, there’s cake over there.” - Lawyer.

Random favorite:

“Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.” - Lawyer shooting double finger pistols at other lawyers.

“Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.” - Lawyer spins around and does it again.

“Why do things keep falling out of the sky and hitting me?” - Lawyer.

“Big fat doody-head.” - Prosecutor.

“He’s just that stupid.” - Lawyer about client.

“I want to punch one of them in the eye so you can tell them apart.” - Lawyer about twin defendants.

“Do you know how to read? No? Read this!” - Lawyer.

“Hatchbacks suck.” - Lawyer.

“I really want cake, but I don’t want to talk to anybody.” - Lawyer.

“I don’t think she’d like the joke about children working in sweatshops.” - Lawyer about client.

“I still feel gypped — he got a car. I got a purse.” - Lawyer.

“The jury only had one comment … They said I should have worn my hair down.” - Lawyer.

“He’s an attorney. He’s boring.” - Lawyer about husband.

“I fought over a puppy in open court.” - Lawyer.

“She used to steal my birth control.” - Lawyer.

“There are no fancy towns in North Dakota.” - Lawyer.

“Cambodia’s good.” - Lawyer, no context.

“I lost my docket.” - Lawyer, sad.

“Oh, I found my docket.” - Lawyer, happy.

“A bunch of savages in this town.” - Lawyer out of nowhere.

“I had to wear a smock … and a badge.” - Lawyer on her Wal-Mart days.

“How do you get wrathful? I never get wrathful.” - Lawyer to another.

“Why are there children?” - A lawyer wonders, as we all do sometimes.